MODULE OVERVIEW
Our values impact how we communicate, as do the systems we are part of. We are all part of different systems. Going back to the family as a system, what do you see in those webs of relationships?
Undoubtedly you will have contributed to results that nobody wanted, you will have misread situations, and you will have behaved in a specific way because that’s ‘your place’ or that’s ‘what’s expected’. When you belong in a system there are unspoken rules, things it’s ok to talk about, things it’s ok to do and the opposite. These expectations create patterns and these patterns inform thinking, communication and the inner voices of fear, judgement and cynicism.
This is all related to what Eric Berne called Ego States, specifically to the Parent ego state, ‘life as it was taught’ and the Child ego state, ‘life as it was felt’.
VAULES, BEHAVIOUR AND EMERGING PATTERNS
In the early 1950s, Dr Eric Berne developed a theory about personality development tied to communication, which he called ‘Transactional Analysis’ (TA). It is a very useful and fascinating framework for analysing the behaviour (transaction) of both ourselves and other people.
In this model, Berne identified that we all communicate from what he called EGO STATES.
Parent State: Controlling Parent (CP), Nurturing Parent (NP)
The parent in TA is the set of recordings in a person’s mind of imposed, unquestioned external events perceived between birth and age five. They are derived mostly from parents’ (or parental figures’) speech and behaviour – admonitions, punishments, cuddles, and encouragement. Berne says they are permanent and cannot be erased, and at intervals throughout our lives, they will be played back to influence our behaviour.
It is sometimes described as ‘Life as it is taught’.
Child State: Natural/Free Child (NC), Adapted Child (AC)
The child in TA consists of recordings of internal events (feelings) experienced in the first five years of life in response to external events. Berne says that, like parental recordings, those in the child are permanent and can easily be triggered by events in adult life so as to influence behaviour. When behaving in our child state, we think, feel, and do as we did when we were small – we are free/natural, creative, experimental, joyful and playful – we are obedient, rebellious, insecure, anxious and scared – adaptive, so our needs are met. It is sometimes known as ‘Life as it is felt’.
Adult State: Adult (A)
Data is acquired and computed through exploring, thinking out and testing ideas. It is sometimes known as ‘Life as it is tested’. When behaving in our adult state, we operate in the ‘here and now’, and are rational and unemotional. We seek information, respect other people, and are assertive and considered in our communication.
We all function in all of the states. There is no right answer!
Listen to Fiona talk about Transactional Analysis.
From here, move on and watch the video on The Ladder of Inference and make some notes about how assumptions get in the way for you.
Resource: Transactional Analysis Questionnaire
PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOUR
If we propose that Personal Leadership is a journey of challenge, growth and change towards you being the ’best you’, then it can be useful to explore what goes on in our best communication patterns and what goes on in our worst. What are the behaviours we are open to and what are the behaviours that stimulate a less open response?
A pattern is a behaviour that we return to time after time without thinking about it. We are in the midst of automatic transactions and communication. This can be positive such as hugging a friend on meeting them, or less positive such as rebelling against any type of instruction or boundary. It’s helpful (as you did in the previous activity) to think about all the positive and helpful patterns you have in your communication and those you are beginning to recognise are less helpful.
STRATEGIES FOR CHANGE
We are often asked, ‘Well, how can I change…?’ The response is summarised in the image below with ideas of how you can shift helpful and unhelpful impacts of Controlling Parent (CP), Nurturing Parent (NP), Adult (A), Adapted Child (AC), and Natural Child (NC). This will be a useful reflective list for you after you have had the 2.5-hour workshop on Transactional Analysis.
LADDER OF INFERENCE
Chris Argyris developed the ladder of inference as a tool for double-loop learning – learning that produces a change in values and assumptions, not just behaviour change. The ladder of inference can be used for different purposes: to reflect on your emotional reactions, to facilitate the discussion of substantive issues, and to give people feedback. It provides a guide for effective advocacy and inquiry and sits comfortably alongside Transactional Analysis.
We live in a world of self-generating beliefs that remain largely untested. We adopt those beliefs because they are based on conclusions, which are inferred from what we observe, plus our past experiences.
Our ability to achieve the results we truly desire is eroded by our feelings that:
- Our beliefs are the truth
- The truth is obvious
- Our beliefs are based on real data
- The data we select are the real data
The key points for using the ladder of inference to promote productive conversation and effective action are:
- Be aware of your reasoning steps, publicly check your inferences, and encourage others to do the same
- Look for information that challenges your own and others’ assumptions and beliefs
- Be aware of how your own actions become information that others use to make inferences about you so that you can change
Guidance
- Connecting your assumptions and filters to Transactional Analysis and your behaviour and impact
- Stepping back from a situation and asking: ‘How do I know that is true?’
- Checking what assumptions you are holding about a situation
- Remembering, it’s not all about you!
Please download and read the handout, reflecting on leadership conversations that you have been part of.
Resource: A Handout
Helpful additional information
Watch a few short films.
Reflective Practice
- What have you discovered about your communication patterns and preferences?
- Where do you tend to ‘run up’ the Ladder of Inference, and how can you become more aware of your assumptions?
- What have you learned about feedback from the book?
- How does this impact your capacity to work well with people who communicate differently from you?
- How can you proactively fill others’ buckets?
Now intentionally go and have a conversation with your colleagues about what you have learned.